


Reset

by Creationstartswithus



Category: Revenge (TV)
Genre: Control Issues, Denial, F/M, Masturbation, Orgasm Control, Power Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-08
Updated: 2012-11-08
Packaged: 2017-11-18 05:55:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/557631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Creationstartswithus/pseuds/Creationstartswithus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's 2003 and Amanda Clarke has just determined that someone has to pay. Tonight is her last hurrah and the one person she wants to spend it with is herself...then Nolan Ross decides to show up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stray

Her eyes squeeze shut tight as she pinches the bridge of her nose to keep more blood from pouring down her face. Just a few days ago she told Nolan Ross that destruction was in her DNA and tonight is just another example of that. She feels like she was thrust with a mission by some greater power but that greater power is her father. She feels she must take on his burdens and avenge him, but she knows how much trouble it is going to get her into, how much work. She knows she can't do it alone but time and time again she will convince herself otherwise.

A few days into 2003 and she's already back to her old haunts, blowing money on vodka and cheap tequila shots, at least until she figures out her next step. There are so many names and hints in her father's journals that she doesn't know where to start.

Nolan won't stop trying to contact her and she is just as persistent as he is when it comes to blocking his number. If she's going to do this right then she can have no connections from her life before, at least not yet.

Out on the dance floor she was elbowed in the face and she recalls what it feels like to be a victim again.

Ever since she got out of Allenwood about eight months ago it's all about not being the victim. It's been all about control but now she's on the short end of the stick and she feels her system is blurred.

Everything around her spins and the music's overpowering beats shake the club. They make her body feel as if she is vibrating and that vibrating sensation makes her think of the beds in motel rooms where you put in a quarter and you get a hell of a ride.

She feels like she too is electric and is powering the entire club with her rage. The walls and high arched ceilings bloom with color as the lights flash and change faster with the blink of an eye.

She doesn't know what she's going to do yet, not a clue. All Amanda Clarke knows is that someone has to pay.

Amanda beelines it to the bathroom and stands over the sink before folding a cardboard colored paper towel and pressing it to her nose, she watches the white porcelain catch her blood. Looking at herself in the mirror she feels the sudden need to smash it into a million pieces with her fists. She knows she won't mind the pain because all she really wants is to feel something, to feel anything at all.

She's felt entirely numb since her father's passing because when you are told one thing and then you learn it's the entire opposite, when you are thrown for the biggest loop of your life, it is unsettling.

Cleaning herself up, Amanda takes a breath before gaining composure. The old Amanda from 2002 just days ago would have found the culprit and beat him to a bloody pulp even for making a mistake but this new Amanda knows she can no longer be so reckless.

Walking through the club already feels nostalgic like a memory, but it's a familiar face that brings her back to reality.

Nolan Ross was staying at home, preparing for what he thought would be a perfect storm, his long practical fingers checking the alkaline batteries and loading up flashlights but the idea of Amanda Clarke out there without guidance was just too much for him to handle.

Bumping into her he watches her slight smile change to a scowl. It's a quick transition and she transforms into a banshee within seconds, practically tearing his arm off as she leads him into the back alley, dumpsters and empty beer bottles in sight.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she asks as she pushes him against the wall, using the collar of his brown leather jacket as a gripping point. He looks slightly disheveled as if he hasn't slept in days and she's right there with him, her eyes lined with black.

"Checking up on you since you called me in hysterics and then hung up the phone the other night…"

"How did you know I'd be here?" she wonders as she keeps his back pressed flat against the brick.

"Heh, lucky guess…" he replies but it only makes her press harder, her knee jutting into his rib cage. He's not wearing enough layers to mask the pain.

"Try again," she barks like a rabid dog, a certain seething hatred in her glare. She doesn't hate Nolan but she does hate being followed.

"I know you don't give up easily, you're stubborn so I figured you'd come back to the club that kicked you out and see if you can get back in…and I was right," he murmurs, pleased with himself for the time being.

"Well aren't you special," she murmurs before gripping his face, her fingers leaving indents in his dimpled cheeks the way she touches him.

He tries to fight it but then gives in; little does he know that this is his entire life laid for him, right here right now.

"Why did you come back for me?" she barks with madness dribbling over her tongue.

"To help you…" he whimpers, his words sounding muffled from his face being squished like a grape under a heel.

"No one is that gracious. People are selfish, they look out for themselves…" she says as she places her hand at the seat of his pants, cupping all that he is.

He fights her and tries to speak but she doesn't give him that chance.

She knows what boys are like; at least she thinks she does. She thinks all men are the same but Nolan Ross wants to prove he's different.

"Is this what you came back for?" she wonders as she hisses, her jaw clenching and her eyes twitching from the stress.

He feels his cock twitch in his pants as she moves her hand against his bulge. He bites his lip, mostly afraid of what she's got in store for him. He tries to read her but he can't see through her for the wall she's put in front of her is too high.

"This is dangerous…" he murmurs as he looks down at her, thinking of David Clarke's wishes, this not being one of them.

"No kidding…I could get cum all over my new shirt…" she growls as she looks at him. She's laughing at his expense and he doesn't like it one bit.

"This is serious Amanda…no ha ha matter…." he says as he recoils from her, turning away from the young girl.

"My whole life is a joke Nolan…you can't expect me to just open my heart to you and let you play Yoda. I've got to live my own life and I just don't think you can stomach what I have in store for it,"

"You don't know what I can stomach, what I can handle… What I have handled…" he says as he licks his lips, finding them dry in the cool winter weather, snow clinging to the ground and sticking.

"Fill me in," she states as she takes out a cigarette from her shoulder bag that's thin like a wallet with strings. She doesn't ever carry much with her, only cigarettes, a lighter, a 100 dollar bill and a metro card to ride the subway if she ever feels the need.

Before he can fill her in on anything a little white baggie falls out of her miniscule pocket book. He eyes it on the alley's ground and she prays the snow covers it like it never even existed. He bends down to pick it up but she crushes his digits with the heel of her fashionable combat styled boot. It's not enough to hurt him but just enough to shake him up a bit.

He already is.

"Guess you're going to try and tell me you're holding this for a friend?" he asks as he peers up at her.

She sets her eyes on the dime bag instead of his frowning face. He looks disappointed, like she's less than David made her out to be.

"It's mine," she states as she releases him again, making him palm it in her hands. She puts it into the back pocket of her jeans before she walks away from him but he follows her, leaving a trail of footsteps in the snow behind him.

"Your father wouldn't like to see you like this Amanda, he was never a big fan of the whole downwards spiral…" he reveals as he wears his heart on his sleeve.

Turning to him she sneers, a scowl at her brow, appearing at different points in her face. She reminds him of David a lot actually, they're both stubborn. He practically had to beg the man to feed into his company.

He doesn't realize now but he's going to be doing a lot of begging and pleading when it comes to following Amanda around.

He doesn't know what the future holds.

"Well it's a good thing then that he doesn't have to…" she says as she walks towards the nearest subway station, admiring fresh graffiti on the walls surrounding her.

Her mother enjoyed drawing from what little she can remember of her, she never took to it but she hopes to in the future to try to feel a connection to what she's lost.

And she's lost so much.

"Where are you going Amanda?" Nolan asks thinking of how they spent their evening together the other night. He doesn't want to see her fade away, he wants to see her stronger than ever, strong with a vengeance to paint.

"Home," she murmurs as she kicks a few stray pebbles on the sidewalk that have yet to be covered by a blanket of snow as they remain in the shadows like her.

"Where's home?" he asks as she almost cuts him off, loving to be sarcastic whenever possible. It's something that both fades away with time and turns into more subtext if anything.

"Where the heart is," she quips, smirking at her own cruel comeback, not giving a shit about what anyone thinks but her tonight.

This is a goodbye to Amanda Clarke and a hello to the new girl who she has yet to create. She feels like Dr. Frankenstein as she thinks up an alias for herself only she isn't sure if she's the monster or this new persona will be.

Time will tell.

He follows her the whole way home through crowded subway stations, dark alleys, swarms of people, tourists and a string of rats that preside in the neighborhood she inhabits. He wonders why she has chosen such a slummy place to live when she can live off the money from his company but then it hits him, she's trying to live low key, in a world where no one will find her or look for her.

Well he's found her and he isn't going anywhere, at least not tonight.


	2. Danger

White lines on your mind, keep it steady you were never ready for the lies…- Regina Spektor.  
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Nothing in this apartment holds any sentiment to Amanda Clarke besides the box her father left for her. She hides it under her bed where the monsters are supposed to live but she has yet to find any. While she used to believe her father was a monster she can finally see that the man everyone deemed evil is anything but. Amanda Clarke knows true evil and she has become a hunter.

Nolan has taken on the role of lost little lamb, but in a way they both are. They're lost and in the dark but they both try to find their way home.

She makes it back to her apartment before Nolan can get close but he is pleased that he knows where he is going. When he finally arrives his palm becomes a fist as he works up the courage to knock on the door. After contemplating he does but his gesture is met with silence. The door finally opens with a creak after the sounds of locks being unlocked cease. Amanda Clarke stares at him, her face empty and expressions blank.

"What do you want now Nolan?" she hisses like a snake but with less enthusiasm in her delivery.

She's tired and worn thin and he can see the fragility in her bones. Her shoulders sag as he eyes her from head to toe. It's been less than a half hour before he parted from her and she is already a different person than the girl she was at the club…he just can't tell what she's changed into.

Nolan wears his self-esteem like a jacket and invites himself in. He's somewhat expecting her to stop him but she doesn't. Perhaps she's too tired to fight him or maybe she's just as lonely as he is.

She won't ask for help, not willingly but she can't say his presence isn't a beacon of light tonight.

"To end your suffering," he proclaims as he looks into her fridge only to find a bowl of wrinkled grapes and a slice of pizza that looks past its expiration date.

"Well I hate to break it to you but you're only adding to it," she tells him as she reaches into the cabinet and pulls out black berry seltzer. She pours him a glass and adds a few ice cubes to it, trying to be a good host to her uninvited guest. She hasn't lost all manners despite everyone's assumptions.

"Beg to differ…" he purrs as he takes the glass from her shaky hand and drinks wishing it were hot cocoa instead to warm him from the winter weather but he won't push his luck with her.

She is a stranger but he feels close from all the stories David told him about her. There is still so much left to learn and he knows somehow already that he is never going to know all of her past and her secrets.

"How are you supposed to improve my night?" she blurts out as she steps out of her tight jeans to reveal cherry blossom patterned underwear.

He cocks his head and shields his eyes like a boy who has just walked into the girl's room on accident. "Not like this…"

"Relax…it's what I'm doing. My house, my rules…" she murmurs as she cracks her knuckles, letting the popping sounds be the only sounds filling the room when he has yet to answer back.

"Any other rules I should know about? I don't want to break any of them," he rants as she plops down on the couch, taking out her little black satchel. She doesn't have time to go on about her life or the silly little things transpiring between the two.

"Sit down Nolan," she barks at him like he's a dog and she's his master.

He listens and sits on the edge of his seat like he's waiting for something to happen. She watches him fidget before creating two lines of cocaine on the table before her. He wishes he can say he's surprised but nothing can surprise him anymore, not after losing David to a dull knife in prison.

"I want you to relax..." she purrs almost in a seductive manner. She crosses her legs and he notices her toenails are painted black to match her fingers.

The polish reminds him of something David told him about little Amanda running around with black olives on her fingers. She's done some growing up since then.

Nolan has forgotten what it's like to relax since David's death. He's been running around taking care of funeral arrangements and trying to keep up with Amanda and official Nolcorp business.

"No such thing Mandy…" he expresses as he sinks into the chair, trying to obey her wishes but he's a bad liar when it comes to body language. He's still stiff in his shoulders.

"With you there, which is why tonight I have a little helper," she says as she takes out a tiny straw for the double lines before her which are soon to become four lines if he's sharing.

"This is dangerous," he tells her, fear in his voice even though he's dabbled in this territory before.

"Danger is my middle name," she proclaims as she is full of little lines like this, one being ((Vodka tonic hold the tonic.))

Nolan sees a bit of himself in her, maybe it is why they get along so well in the future.

They're misfits.

Not waiting for him to leave Amanda lets him watch her blow coke up her nose. He expects it to be dark and gritty but even she manages it for it to be something delicate, but maybe that's not there at all. Maybe he just sees her innocence and vulnerability, or he wants to.

He's tried so hard to be everything David Clarke wanted him to be which meant cleaning up his act. He just wishes he can help the youngest Clarke do the same.

It is going to be an uphill battle.

Nolan journeys with her to a faraway land as he snorts the white powder. A bit of the rich substance gets on his lower lip so naturally Amanda who is high as a kite from the club already licks it off the corner of his mouth.

He is taken aback as his head spins, his eyes latching with hers to find she is pleased with herself.

He's not sure what he is.

All Amanda knows is that she has someone to breathe her last breath with, someone to hold back her hair as she vomits up the last pieces of herself.

She'll always have the remnants of scars and her tattoo to remind herself of the past, of what she is fighting for but she knows Amanda Clarke has to be transferred onto someone other than her. Someone else must face the burden she holds.

She's over thinking again but she just watches Nolan's languid tongue hang heavy in his mouth before snapping her fingers at him.

"Hello, you alive in there?" she asks, the question mirroring in herself.

"Yeah, just umm in my own world…" he tells her as he leans forward to sip his seltzer, letting the bubbles run over his tongue like fresh ocean water sans the salty flavor. It's the bubbles that make him think of sea foam but she is a mermaid compared to him.

"Well now…you're in mine."


	3. Not That Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note: (That's all folks, hope you enjoyed. Always always read and review to inspire me)

The world is wrong and the proof is in the infinity box that sits upon the old worn coffee table like a regal crown. While some would call it just a box, Amanda views it as art and what's inside is treasure.

In the depths of Allenwood she felt like she didn't have a purpose, like she was a wanderer with no destination but with the help of her late father she sees potential in herself even if that potential terrifies her.

The world is wrong and it is terrifying in more ways than one but it is also beautiful. This is something Nolan Ross wants to teach the young girl who he feels is throwing away her life on a promise he kept to a cell ridden man.

He could have easily rid her of this life with a borrowed can of gas and a match but Nolan Ross made a deal and he can't back out now.

He gave his word.

The two of them are both in too deep now, their wheels spinning with goals and a common thread.

He can see inside her head and the cob webs once there are now intricate designs that form an idea but right now it is all on hold.

Everything is on pause as she stretches out in her cherry blossom panties eying Nolan who is pinching the bridge of his nose and trying to figure out his part in all of this.

"Let me guess what you're thinking. Do I play the cool friend or the demanding dad?" she asks but he interjects.

"I'd say the "dad" theory is out the window since I already inhaled that junk you call cocaine…" he tells her with a sniffle.

"What do you mean junk?" she asks as she looks almost haunted.

"I mean…this stuff could be better. I've seen purer stuff than this out of a Splenda packet…" he tells her as he leads a line against his gums, letting it dissolve into his saliva. He's trying to turn her off completely but he doesn't think it is actually working.

It seems to be having the opposite effect on her.

"Who knew," she purrs as she climbs up onto his lap. His breath hitches but he doesn't stop her. Her hand doesn't tremble as she grips him by the throat.

He wheezes but meets her with a snarky response. "Does someone have a choking fetish we must address?"

"That's none of your business..." she barks as she tries to shed her skin of the old Amanda but so much still shines through especially with the cocaine rushing through her blood and clouding her system.

"Oh I think it is when your girl parts are playing bumper cars with mine…" he says as he throws her off of him. "You're high and drunk…"

"And when it fades I'm still going to be me, worthless and forgotten…oh wait I will never be forgotten. I'm infamous. Do you know what people call me when they see me?" she asks as she sits on the arm of the couch. "Damaged goods…Rotten"

Nolan cocks his head and tries to comfort her but he's afraid she'll get the wrong idea if he dares grazing her bare skin.

"I don't think of you like that," he states as he turns to face her, seeing the same sad girl David Clarke warned him about. David didn't even know the whole story but he assumed she was dealing with depression. He knew what being locked up did to a person.

It seemed the whole Clarke family did.

"How nice for you but you're a billionaire all you see is 100 dollar bills…" she murmurs as she goes down to the table for another taste of white.

Pulling back she leans the crook of her neck against the back of the couch, letting everything soak in. Nolan takes in every detail about how the light in the room shines against her skin and makes her come alive.

He's high too so everything is a bit garbled.

"There are stars in my eyes," he expresses as he loses interest in the lighting in the room. And his eyes set on the infinity box as it teases him. He wants another peek inside but he knows it is not forbidden fruit just like she is.

He watches her stand with a wobble and she almost looks like Bambi's mother right before she gets shot. The hunter will soon become the prey if she doesn't gain focus and strength.

"Constellations in mine, how quaint," she tells him as she opens the box, undoing the latch with more effort than usual.

A long moment goes by before she speaks. "IF you want a look inside, you have to play my game…"

"I only play games I know I can win," he proclaims as his lips curl and he taps his fingers against his knees.

He's all talk though and she knows it. She knows he is a loner and will do anything for a friend.

"Well with this game, everyone is a winner…" she tells him as she leans back into the chair across from the couch, the ones that is made of brown leather.

It's her throne and right now she is the queen.

If she's going to work with him in the future with regards to her father she needs to know she can trust him, that he is going to be a loyal asset to her end game.

"This life will be dangerous Nolan, but you cannot stray," she tells him as she takes a breath.

"I won't, I can't…" he sighs.

Amanda Clarke stands up and walks across the coffee table to him. She watches his eyes follow her tall frame as she drops down and stands between his legs.

"Prove it," she purrs as she grips a handful of his darker hair and makes him look up at her like a peasant.

She's never had this much control and this is a powerful aphrodisiac for her. She's not even surprised when she feels herself grow moist with arousal, her cunt like morning dew on blades of grass.

"I don't know what you want me to do…?" he asks nervously, becoming a shell of himself instead of a rock solid ball of confidence.

"Touch yourself."

"What?" Nolan asks as his eyes go wide like two blue gumballs.

"You heard me," she proclaims as she leans down to nip along his neck. Her tongue tastes his skin and he trembles beneath her crumpling like paper.

She hears a whimper come from between his parted lips and knows she has him right where she wants him.

"Amanda…" he begs, she can hear it in his voice.

"I said, prove it. You promised daddy dearest that you would help his daughter, give her anything she needs. If you can't take out your cock and show me what you're made of then how can I trust you with my secrets and with my life?" she says and with those words he begins.

First his fingers go to his belt and he concentrates on getting hard for her. Still jacked up on cocaine he knows it will be a difficult task to maintain an erection let alone get one but he listens to her every word.

"Is this really what you want?" Nolan Ross asks as he eases his manhood from his spider man boxers which make her chuckle. It doesn't surprise her that he's wearing cartoons since he's a boy at heart.

She has a pair of Hello Kitty underwear herself but she would never tell him that.

She doesn't answer, she doesn't know what it is she does want and she's not even that sure about what she is asking of him but knowing he is about to do it for her means a lot.

She doesn't look into his lap, only into his eyes. She wants to see his face when he cums, to watch the slight pain before the wave of emotions transpire before her. She wants to see what bliss looks like because she can't remember feeling it herself.

Lifting her shirt over her head so she's in underwear and a black lacy bra she eyes him and stands with her hands on her hips like wonder woman. "This is all you get…make it last cowboy," she growls.

She has no cares in the world right now, her soul in limbo.

Nolan bites his lip as he focuses, trying to play her game as his eyelids flutter. She's gorgeous, he's always thought so but they're both so lost and alone. They have no family, no friends to speak of.

They have more in common than everyone thinks.

His hand feels good but he wishes it was hers instead. Stroking his cock he leans back as he keeps his eyes on hers.

"One day you'll trust me…you'll let me in," he proclaims but she just nods and listens as he works his hand.

Her fingers move to the seat of her underwear where she finds she is wet but it more confuses her than anything. Again, it's a power trip.

Touching herself he lets his eyes fall down her body to watch but she moves forward, leaning in to tip his chin back to meet her eyes.

"Eyes on mine."

Nolan's blue eyes look to her darker pair and she sees he is having trouble. What the man needs is contact, someone to feel close to.

Maybe it is what she needs as well.

Leaning into him she cups his face and kisses him slowly, her body falling into his lap so she is sitting on his knee.

She reaches her hand on his length, gripping from base and stroking to the tip. She sinks her teeth into the flesh at his neck and he throws his head back in sinful pleasure.

She looks at him again and she is eager. She's always been more voyeuristic than a do it yourself type of girl when it comes to sex.

With her help he releases into her palm and she stares into his eyes seeing that look she's wanted to see but not feeling it herself. That feeling will take a lot longer to get to and it will begin with forming a plan for revenge.

Revenge is sweet.

"Amanda…" he groans sounding breathy and right then and there she almost kisses him back, she almost loses herself in him but then she realizes she is already lost.

She is already gone.

There is no more Amanda Clarke.

Easing off the man before her she watches him sober up ever so slightly, his jeans moving over his hips and his buckle snapping back into place.

She snaps back into place too and walks towards her front door.

"You need to go Nolan," she tells him as she watches him fumble about with rosy cheeks and obvious sex hair.

He's not surprised by her need to be alone. In the end you are always alone.

Nolan moves towards her and runs his hand through his hair, smoothing it down. "I'm here if you need me…" he says although he is at a loss for words.

Those are the last words she will hear from him before meeting him again in the Hamptons years later as Emily Thorne.

Opening her front door barely dressed she feels tears coming but she'll wait until he's out of the building to even think about crying.

She now knows who she has to become.

He steps outside of the little shabby apartment before turning back to look at her one more time to catch a glimpse of her.

"And Nolan?"

"Hm?"

"This never happened…"


End file.
